Waiting, this morning, at Les Schwab Tires for flat fix. I cannot block out or escape the Newtown, CT Elementary MASSACRE being reported. The TV is tuned to CNN with volume low. But, on. Many here are glued to it while waiting for their tire applications. Me? I am here for a slow leak in two tires. Thank god flat- fixes are free.
A reporter interviewing a teenage boy at the scene and asked ‘What was it like?’ ‘It was HORRIBLE,’ he said his nose cheeks and eyes nearly raw red from crying. The female reporter asks,’Would you like to expand on that??’
SERIOUSLY!?? Did she want him to throw up on camera or the minute and gory details of the carnage?
I nearly threw up at the savageness of these reporters swooping in like hungry lioness having smelled blood and weakness of her victim.
At this point I realized how upset I am. I am shaking with anguish for these victims and their families. I am fighting the heat of my tears pushing hard and crunchy against my lower eye- lids. My heart hurts. I need my tires fixed. I asked a man if he minded if I zhared his table. I need to get away so, I sit with my back to the TV. I am trying to block it out. Read the Newspaper. That will distract you. I try to read and realize I am not processing what I am reading. I reread the paragraphs I am SURE I just read only to realize this is not working. Maybe if I do something that requires me to think that will block this ongoing stream of horror to wash away. That is why I am typing this on my phone and why it is long.
Between words and sentences the TV reporters, bystanders, relatives, and victims voices jump back into my ears like razors whirring in my head. All the while knowing how terrible ths is for those who have to LIVE beyond this tragedy. I feel guilty for my anxiety. What have I to feel guilty for? I am empathizing with these victims without experiencing ANY of their pain. Not a single small drop of mist that touches my skin when walking my dog on a gray and foggy morning in the cold.
Do we really need 24- hour News when it is no longer news but, sensationalizing terrible and painful situations?