I guess I should expect this. It seems a lot like having children. It is the “hurry up and wait” syndrome. My oldest sister, I think, is the one who named this for me. She was completely right.
The entire process of having a child, each child, really was and continues to be a process of “hurry up and wait.” For me there was a need. I am not sure, looking back, whether to name it a need to be a Mom or the need to have a child. Do not misunderstand. As a child I remember always wanted children. I thought I would adopt. Because, this world is so messed up and why should I add to the over population of the world. Not to mention adding to that by creating new lives to compound the mess of a politically and environmentally messed up world at that.
I nearly had no option. I was infertile. Maybe the syndrome should be “Wait to hurry up and wait.” In the process of trying to find out why my periods were so unreliable. I could go an entire year without a period. If I had periods six months apart that was pretty normal. Well, normal for being abnormal. For years I went to gynecologists and doctors. There were no “specific” reasons why it was messed up. Four years passed and within that time I married, moved, moved again, worked, you know, I lived my life.
Hormone tests were done in, I think three states. Not once did my hormones reach an “abnormal” level. Then, why the hell didn’t I have periods? Having tests, blood drawn, invasive looks inside. No real reason(s) given. This was all findadoctormakeanappointmentarriveatapppointmentfilloutpapersgetweighedhaveheightmeasuredlayonthe”couch”kneesupandspreadtolerateinvasiveintrusiongetscrapedbiopsiedhaveblooddrawn and wait. Wait for the results. Wait for the phone call I got used to telling me, “The results are all within normal ranges.” Well, SHIT!
When the time came for my husband and I to consider becoming parents the process intensified. Except, now that I could not get pregnant for over a year he had to make his own “donation” to the process of hurry up and wait. Nope. The problem was me. great. My life pattern continues.
Getting pregnant, finally, was incredible. I felt successful. After all that hurry up and waiting I now had nine MONTHS of waiting. Would he or she be healthy, look like him, or me, light hair or dark, loud or quiet, could I and would I know how to handle this new creature that was, for now, named “Baby.”
Waiting on you, Joe. My niece just told me she says that to her kids when she is waiting on her kids. “Just waiting on you, Joe.” She tells me its a country song. Of course it is.
Now, I await a new creature. This time there is no chance of it being warm and cuddly and poopy and stinky and needful and wonderful. This new thing I have to hurry up and wait for is, I have no doubt, stinky and needful without any of the wonderfulness.