Thursday (yesterday) my friend E picked me up to take me to my daily radiation appointment. By the time she arrived at 8:00 o’clock A.M. I had already been up since shortly after 4:00 o’clock A.M. Tried to fall back to sleep. Forced my eyes closed each 45 minutes after falling asleep around 1:20 o’clock A.M. once I had returned to bed from having to urinate. This side effect is making me nuts. I am sure there are those who would cock their heads to one side and squish up their face and say to themselves, “How she get any nuttier?!?!?!”
Let me assure I can. I was out walking my dog at 5:30 o’clock A.M. She wanted to go and go and go. About three miles. As tired as I was I felt floating along the extra coarse sandpaper of life for her benefit was the best thing to keep me busy. The walk was leisurely. We sniffed and inspected and munched every blade of grass, darkened bark at the base of every tree, often shoving that snout deep under bushes. “Snork, snork, snorking” all the time. After about three miles it was enough for me. Home. Still had about an hour before my ride gets here to pick me up for my daily dose of radiation. Online. Not sure what I worked on. Pretty sure, I read some emails, and maybe even ranted on this here blog.
My friend finally got here picked me up and we were on our way. I must have been talking a mile or ten per minute. I could hear myself talking. I could hear myself talking. I could hear myself talking. I simply could not shut up. I talked about my son and how wonderful he has and continues to be, my dog, that I am not sleeping, walking the dog this morning. I must have looked weird because I was in my normal shorts and tank top while everyone in their cars had their winter coats on and others walking were dressed like it were thirty-five not sixty-five outside. Either way, one thing was sure to warm up. Either it would be me or the weather warming up pretty quickly. My money was on me being the first. I win. Yeah.
I could not quit talking. I could not stop. I was not sure why. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was the only one talking. Now, this is not an altogether unusual occurrence. But, the speed and numerical values of words being spoken from my oralfice was amazing. Out of body kind of amazing. All the while E is driving with an angelic half-smile on her face. Patiently listening. At least, I think she is listening. For all I know she has her own internal radio station turned up loud playing songs like “Block this Insanity From my Ears” or “I cannot believe I volunteered for this.”
After about 15 minutes without a breath I had to ask her if her ears were bleeding yet. Sweetly, she seemed not to understand what I meant. So, I kept talking. Weirder still, is she invited me out to lunch. Then, she invited me to go to see the Mummy exhibit at our museum. “Yes.” “Yes.” “Yes.” I asked her a few more times if she was sure her ears were not bleeding. She insisted her ears were fine.
We had a great time. The mummy exhibit was good. We saw mummies up close through plexiglass or real glass. Fully see through nonetheless. The whole time I am so incredibly tired. But, I did not want to go home and sleep. Bird on the high side and dog below.
It was a very good day. I got home and CRASHED!
One thing I showed E was that I have and I will pull out my phone (I took a photo) and Flash MY Badge to them proving I HAVE a LICENSE to Bitch and Moan! Everyone laughs.
I have been tired. I thought getting over that first week of radiation and chemo I would be fully back to normal. Clearly, I know nothing. After having slept most of last Chemo week my body apparently has decided it has to make for all that extra sleep by depriving me of it for the previous three nights. No more than FOUR hours of sleep. For god’s sake. I don’t even do well on EIGHT hours of sleep. Yesterday I finally got to sleep around 1:30 am. Waking every 45 minutes to get up stumble to the bathroom and hopefully find more than an edge of the toilet seat. I almost fell asleep on the toilet once. I always managed to stumble back to bed and fall hard on my mattress.
Yesterday at my appointment I asked to see the nurse. She wrote me a prescription for Ativan or whatever the generic is. Lorazapam, I think. I took two last night about 10 pm. by 11 pm. Not drowsy. Took another 1mg. ticktockticktock. By 11:30 I figured I was either taking the whole bottle (unwise) or two more pills. I got up went to the counter found the bottle undid the lid and seriously looked at the number of pills. One it seemed would have to do. Apparently I found the magic number. 4.
That one hit fast. In fifteen minutes I knew I better get up to bed or I would fall asleep on the stairs. I could have slept downstairs. But, it being substantially cooler than it had been. And I deeply wanted my real bed. Got there. Whew. Nick of time. Except as soon as I laid down and had just closed my eyes my bladder started its own symphony. Ignore as I might I had to release that symphony. Ok. Back to bed. Stumble. Ah.
Unfortunately, about every 45 minutes I had to get up to pee. Some sleep. But, I was more and more stoned and unstable. I was sure I set my alarm for 7 a.m. So, when I groggily woke to see it was 7:46 a.m. I FREAKED! My ride was due here at EIGHT!
I stumbled out of bed (there has to be a better word for stumble here.) realized I had to write a note find tape get downstairs, tape it on the door, and hold my pee until I could get to the door. Three out of four ain’t bad, as the story goes. As I was scribbling out the not my urine was making the point that I had no more choice but, to RUN to the bathroom. I made it. Mostly. I will have to wash my bathroom carpet though.
Then, I got the note taped to the door, ran upstairs, showered, dressed, got downstairs to my friend driver of the day. I still had to walk the dog. Poor think had to force the issue. I had to ensure she pooped. That took another 5 minutes. I am slurring my words. When I looked at the note I left I couldn’t make any of it out. I asked my friend how she knew what it meant. She said it just made sense under the circumstance for her to come in. Whew.