My sweet dog, Jewel, died this morning. I knew this morning would be hard. But, putting on my trifocals this morning to have the right earpiece fall off was not part of the plan. I could not find the screw. Twisty Tie it is. But, trying to hold the earpiece into place with essential tremors when everything is blurry simultaneously trying to thread a tiny wire through a hole as small as it. I finally realized I had an old pair of glasses. I ran upstairs and found them. That did the trick. Except the twisty tie kept finding ts way out the wrong piece of the barrel. I finally succeeded. Hasn’t everyone wanted to take their dog to the vet with their glasses held together with a twisty tie. Sigh.
I had hoped to wake up to find Jewel already gone to spare me from having to make the decision. She was however, awake when I came downstairs. Which, was not really a bad thing.
Our morning routine for several years now has been for me to wrap her heart meds in either of her favorites: Cheeze Whiz (please, don’t anyone point out how much salt is in it) or peanut butter (see above). She had never ever refused it. Until, this morning. She spat out her favorite med. Something she would never do.
I could only feel she was doing her best to tell me that today was the day and I made the right decision.
I carried her outside for her morning walk because, her back legs had no strength left. After sitting in a fog for a few minutes she was able to get her back end moving just enough to small take a tour of our just as small driveway. She sniffed a small area and then, started eating grass. Again, something outside her norm. She loved to lick the dew from the leaves of grass. Never pulling it up to eat it like this morning.
Again, she was, I feel, telling me she agreed today should be her last.
I took her to her vet at Banfield where the staff was gentle with me and her. Her vet was very kind. She spoke to me with knowledge of Jewel’s worsening health problems and agreed and supported my decision to euthanize her.
The vet brought me a chux pad and a fuzzy warm blanket to wrap her in and hold her in my arms as the meds were administered. Staff had installed a line to make it easy to administer the meds.
I held her as she slipped quietly into sleep and felt her little heart until, there were no more little irregular thumps against my palm to feel.
I held her for a while. Saying goodbye was very hard. Leaving her all cuddled in her bright orange blanket was just as hard.
I am sad to lose my little walking buddy. Without her I know there would have been days or weeks I would not leave my house. She forced me outside of myself. Now, I have to do it for myself.
I have already eaten three of the 4 Krispy Kreme donuts I picked up on the way to the eyeglass place to fix my earpiece. Cried and napped all afternoon. I talked to a friend I had not spoken with in a while. Crying off and on throughout the conversation.
I guess it is to be expected. So, when I see you next and you ask me how I am doing do not be too surprised when cry.