I am pretty tired. Tired of my body. Tired of my body sabotaging me. Tired of pain. Tired of working so hard to stay positive. Tired of believing I could actually remain positive.
Suffice it to say I am tired of an awful lot of things. Most recently, my right wrist. But, this only became an issue after I began, early in the 2015, the process to find a hand specialist. My intention was to discuss the situation with the increasing pain and interference and non-usability of BOTH hands due to more than a decade of suffering with Carpal Tunnel syndrome. By “discuss the situation” I really mean discuss surgery to release the Carpal Tunnel through, which my damaged carpal tendons run. Along the way one doctor said that I also, have Cubital Tunnel Syndrome. This was because of the constant pain I have that runs from my shoulder to my hand.
I had been going through physical therapy to help me readjust to walking in shoes that have equal height soles. It seems that the one inch lift on my left was far to high. Over ten years it became really painful in my left hip. Doctor instructed me to go to a shoe store on the way home and pick up a pair of shoes. Plain, flat shoes. I had not walked in non-adjusted shoes since 2005!
I was certain my left femur was shorter than the right. It is. But, not as much as it feels. I was told this was due to a proprioception issue. It means that what I feel is not the way it really is. OK. So, physical therapy weekly to learn to walk again. This makes number FOUR times I have had to relearn to walk. First time was 1971. Then, in 2005 with my first hip replacement. Third was with the other hip replacement in 2006. So, this physical therapy makes FOUR!
My physical therapist also, determined after walking unevenly since I was 13 I had developed scoliosis. Makes sense. Also, because of the arthritis damage to my pelvic socket. The damage forced my orthopedic surgeon to install the acetabulum cap in perfect position. So, like my life it is a little off.
Back to my carpal tunnels. It never (ok, not never but, way to often) my problem is bi-lateral. crap!
And the hits keep coming…
In the spring of 2015 I developed a Ganglion Cyst in my wrist. These have also been called “Bible Cysts.” This is because, it takes something hard and heavy to (hopefully) put it back into place. A friend and I used a flat object to smack it back into place. It FUCKING hurt!
And it did NOT work. It di-id push the cyst back inside the wrist compartment, an incredibly small space, rather than outside. But, the hope was it would push all fascia and fluid back into proper place. Not however, my luck. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! It also, did not cure the pain internally or on the skin. I had to quit swimming because, the sensation of fluid pushing against my skin was like tolerating a small grain sand paper on a grinder wheel running up the inside of my forearm. Also, because, my wrist pain increased now, to include intense thumb and forearm pain.
To find a hand specialist I had to first see my primary care provider. In old time language I would have simply said “my Dr.”. So, I got her referral to a hand specialist. First one said she would not consider agreeing I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) she wanted a Nerve Conduction Study (NCS). Now, an NCS is really just a targeted TASER that registers speed of the start point where I as tased and the end points at the ends of fingers. I asked her to look at the record for the last NCS about 12 or 13 years ago. I hate them. They hurt and set off a crescendo of new pain in my hand for hours to days. She couldn’t find it and because, it had been so long she wanted a new NCS. Fine. Except to stay with her there was a three-month wait. She referred me to someone else. Whose office staff failed to set me up for a NCS. Instead, I was set up for another fucking consult. By that time a month had already elapsed. So, I said F___k it! I made the appointment with the original Doc for the NCS. Of course, that was another two months away.
FINE! (growling really deep)
Ok NCS DONE!! Guess what? I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Any body hear the resounding, DUH?!!?
She is not a surgeon. So, now I have to call a hand surgeon I trust. Luckily, weird that I say luckily considering how I know about this particular hand surgeon, I know a hand surgeon that I trust. Of course, to get an appointment with him takes another couple of months.
I see the hand surgeon and he orders an MRI. Seems completely reasonable. I have to say I was oddly encouraged by the MRI report. Mostly, because, it used terms like, “severe”, “distortion with degenerative changes”, “ganglion cyst deep”, “marked distortion”. I say encouraging because, I always worry that what I feel – pain, and what I believe – legitimate problems are CONFIRMED! Having grown up being told I was a hypochondriac it is always important to me to have absolute confirmation that I am NOT a hypochondriac. You might have thought that going through everything medically, that I have been through I would absolutely believe I know my body well enough to know and trust my pain were real. Working on it.
So, once I saw the hand specialist he informed me he is currently referring hand patients to another doctor. BUT, he checked while I was still in the office that his preferred Doc
was available within one week for a consult. He WAS!! YAY!!!
So, last week I saw the REAL hand specialist. He agreed that considering a cortisone shot into the area was not the best option. All the problems had been going on far longer than the best practice knowledge suggests would help remove the pain. Also, putting cortisone into such a small space that is already has severely compromised skeletal structures concerned him. He agreed that surgery is called for. He did warn me that the surgery on my thumb has an 75% “cure” rate. Oh, did I forget to tell you that I also have “de Quervaines Syndrome“?!? Which, is why any thumb movement feels like I just broke something in my wrist or a hatchet has just passed through my wrist. That only happens about 200 times a day (and night). My form of de Quervaines includes tendonosis, tendonisis, and tendonsynovitis. Also, my wrist decided to one better in that these thumb tendons have “split tendon tears,” and radial styloid “partial longitudinal split tears of both the adductor and extensor”… If my body is gonna f— up it will do it to the maximum bad and odd problems.
I am now waiting for the hand surgery day surgery center to call me to set an appointment for the surgery.
I hate my body. Rather, my body hates me.