A Woman of Contrasts

I was in Bellevue, Washington for the past two weeks.  I was celebrating a friend’s birthday.  It was also, a celebration of my own.  The last time we celebrated our Birthday’s we were EIGHTEEN years-old!!  There are a LOT of YEARS between 18 and 60.  Yep.  SIXTY!!!!

I have said, somewhere in all the past writings on this blog, that I never felt “Adult”. I see the number of years that have gone past.  Do I NOW feel like an Adult?  I am beginning to think that maybe I can finally consider myself to be an Official Adult?  Maybe.

It seems that I am until, I feel I am not.

I finally, June 6, found my summer shoes.  I had forgotten entirely, that I had any.  I was happily looking at new summer sandals to buy.  I was looking for the same brand, style, and size that I like and had previously.   Now, after buying two new pair of sandals I find my favorites!  YAY!!!

I now have more summer shoes than I thought I would ever have.  YAY!!!  Now, I don’t have to spend money on shoes.  Problem; I LOVE shopping for shoes.  I am pretty good adhering to the pledge I made to myself a long time ago: When I bring one (whatever) in take one (whatever) out.  I don’t have enough room in my very small house for too many shoes, clothes or anything.  It works for me.  Thank god.

This makes seriously happy!!!!  All this for shoes?  Sandals at that.  But, one pair is a dense purple with silver thread highlights running through the straps.  Another pair, same style, is bright green with accent threads through further brightening these beautiful shoes.  Apparently, I really like TEVA sandals.  Whatever style they may be.

TEVA is a brand of sandals that truly appeal to my colorful and whimsical side.  The pair I bought last month were bright orange TEVA sandals.  Though, a different style entirely.  This pair makes me very happy.

I have tried several other brands of strappy sandals.  They did not work out so well.  Many, many people told me how much they love their Chacos.  So, I bought a pair with great hope and excitement.  I never thought of myself as a shoe addict.  Maybe I am.  Because, here I am describing SHOES!   Anyway, their Chaco straps are essentially one or two straps that are connected as a Mobius strip.  I would set the straps as were comfortable. Yet, as soon as I took a step the straps would change their tensions and positions with every step and stride.  I hated them.  I kept trying them thinking I am being silly.  The Chacos consistently became so constrictive it was like being held against my will in a small room.  Odd that my claustrophobia was triggered by what I was wearing.  I can wear Chukas/Desert Boots… tied tightly around my feet and feel no emotional pressures.  I can wear tennis shoes tightly tied and again no constrictions.  But, those Chacos well, they just made me feel the way I felt.  I imagine had the straps remained at the tensions and positions I had them set when putting my foot into each shoe and walking in them I wouldn’t have had a problem.  Maybe I have a touch of Asperger’s.  If something doesn’t feel just right I become incredibly uncomfortable and more fidgety than normal.  Too tight I feel constricted.  Too loose and I feel afraid my clothes or shoes would fall off.  Obsessively.  If my shirts are not long enough in front I am constantly tugging them down to cover my stomach.

Funny thing is my eyeglass frames are also, very colorful.  One frame is bright green.  Another is bright red.  A third (new frames) are pink!  I may be depressed as hell and oftentimes incapable of leaving my home yet, I lOVE COLOR.  My clothes are colorful.  I wear the brightest colors that appeal to me.  Even a pair of black and white shorts with bands of designs and pattern of black, white, and gray.  I am wearing them today with a white and black color-block shirt.  Contrasts are fun.  I wear my glasses to match, as close as possible, with my clothes.

I often wonder if people look at me as a clown or a child too young to know better.  I don’t seem to care about that.  I find enjoyment in colors especially, those in contrast.

I am a woman of contrasts.  Very strong contrasts.  The example above about having major clinical depression seems in high contrast with my love of bright, cheerful, colors.  Yet, here it is.


About mishl53

Pro-Choice, Pro-Women, Pro-Social Programs, Pro-Fiscal Responsibility, Pro-Common Sense Return to Government and USA Society.
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