God, I crack myself up. hahahahahah.
Ok, the reality is that yesterday I had a follow up (one of many coming in my future) with my colo-rectal surgeon. The check-up went well. For him. For me it is still painful every time he goes “in for a look”. In six weeks give or take both of my oncologists will want to go in, too. Just enough time to heal from this last assault.
That damned “going in” is uncomfortable. For every woman who has ever been to a gynecologist you know just how unfriendly that damned speculum is. Well, it gets worse. There is a butt speculum. It is the same damned speculum (or so I presume) that is used on women’s vaginas. The small vaginas. At least, now that I am thinking of it, I am hoping it was the small speculum. Though, I readily admit it felt like the speculum I imagine used for women who have given birth to six children. Because, it frigging HURT! Breath. Breath through it. Or talk. Talk through it. Breathing deeply and continuing to talk to the Dr. I have no idea what I was talking to him about. I just kept talking between successive deep breaths. He laughed a lot. So, I must have been funny.
I came out a little sore and a LOT freaked out. I cannot recall who told me earlier this week or maybe late last week that where a friend had been radiated he was still store. Years later. I am sorry. Not sore “tender”. As if there is a really big difference between sore and tender when talking about my ass.
It is still sore. I will be glad (and amazed) when I can just say it’s “tender”.
I also, got a new piece of information at this visit. I do not know how I missed this little piece of info. I checked with my son and he agreed that he missed it, too. Or maybe we just did not get that bit of information. What bit of information am I referring to?
Well, that would be HPV. The colo-rectal surgeon was admonishing me to make sure I take care of my “Lady Parts” because, of the HPV. WHAT HPV? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?@!?!?! He apologized if he missed giving me that piece of information. Wouldn’t have made a difference if he had told me. Except that it freaked me the fuck out.
Apparently, I have HPV. Human Papilloma Virus. I never heard that from any gynecologist or obstetrician. How did this happen? I know how you get HPV. I do not know how I got it. Or maybe I do know. It is not so much the how I do not know nor is it the who. That one is pretty clear.
I got so freaked out that I had HPV all I wanted was French Fries for lunch. It was not like the usual cheeseburger and fries it was just about the fries. The freak out was not just that I have HPV it is that the HPV is likely what caused the Anal Cancer. It is also, that little connection that brought about the doctor’s remark about taking care of my “Lady Parts.” HPVV does not just connect to Anal Cancer it increases the likelihood of vaginal, cervical, and uterine cancer, too. Especially, now that I have already had cancer it only increases the odds of a recurrence of the one and of getting any of the others. If this is not worth a Holy CRAP! I do not know what is.
I was freaking out when I left the doctor’s office. I called my son and asked him if he had heard this. No, he had not. He was really great about talking me down off the rocky cliff of terror I was quickly climbing up.
So, HOLY F-ing CRAP!!!!