I FUCKING LOVE Medications!!

As anyone reading this knows I have been having a TERRIBLE time with intestinal cramping for nearly two weeks now.  Not that I am ahead of schedule or anything but, I was told by one of the RN’s at the oncology center that this was not the place to be an over achiever.

Yesterday, at least, I think it was yesterday the RN gave me a prescription for Phenoazopyridine Hydrochloride 100mg.  She warned me that it was also available over the counter as AZO Urinary Pain Relief.  Which, was a good thing.  Because, my insurance wouldn’t pay the $50-odd dollar prescription cost.  Over the counter AZO only 5mg less than the prescription cost only $7.99 for thirty 95mg tablets.  OTC AZO it was.

The idea is to stop my bladder from spasming as part of the attempt to stop the urinary contractions triggering my intestines to do the same only harder.

It only worked a little bit.  Not that AZO is bad.  It is good.  Just not good enough.

Last night I was desperate.  The pain had become so intense it was hard to think about anything else.  Not to mention making it incredibly hard to sit.  Suddenly, it came to me. I thought I remembered having been prescribed medication to stop loose bowels.  I tore my medicine cabinet APART!  Three shelves  full of prescription and non-prescription medications for myself and my dog.  Not there.  I pulled out drawers (in between those frequent and painful bathroom visits.) and found nothing.  I thought, “I ought to check the bathroom downstairs.”  Again, drawer pulling, shuffling things around, looking between towels and NOTHING.  Why would a pill bottle be in a hand-towel drawer?  I don’t know.  Remember that I was desperate.  Then,

Damn!  UPstairs bathroom!!!  I have to try there.  Do not be so foolish as to imagine I would run up the stairs.  More like a slog.  When I get there guess what?  NOT A DAMN THING!!  Have I really gone totally insane??!?!?!!  Am I just imagining a prescription and a bottle with little pills?  Is there such a thing as a pain hallucination?  At some point I had to give up and go to bed.  I did after-all, take 10mg of Oxycodone to stop the pain and help me fall asleep.

This morning after my treatment I stopped at the nurses desk.  I explained that I thought the Dr. had written a prescription a week ago for anti-diarrhea medication but, that I simply couldn’t find the bottle anywhere.  Now, why I would have stopped taking the medicine if it were working?  Or I still had it?  No clue.

The nurse looked it up on her computer and found that, YES!   Yes, they had written me a prescription for an anti-diarrhea medication.  But, for some reason she asks me, “We only wrote it for FIVE pills?”   How the hell would I know?  Five?  Really, on FIVE pills?

So, she asked me if thirty would be a better number.  “Fuck YEAH!”  “Please G-D!”

HOLYBAT SHITWOMAN!  It WORKS!!

The medicine is called Diphenoxylate/Atropine.  On the prescription form it had an abbreviation for it.  At least, that is what it looked like to me.  This abbreviation seemed to be completely appropriate.  It was “lo po”.  Now, the first word “lo” sounded out to me at first glance as “Low”.  And being my perverted self I read the second word “po” as “Pooh!”  Put it together LOW POOH!!!! THANK YOU very much.  Tips and applause are gratefully accepted.

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About mishl53

Pro-Choice, Pro-Women, Pro-Social Programs, Pro-Fiscal Responsibility, Pro-Common Sense Return to Government and USA Society.
This entry was posted in Anal Cancer, Cancer, Humor, Medical, Thoughts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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